Hurting

I'm hurting.

My life is not what I want it to be.

My life is no where near perfect.

I am hurting.

I am numb. Death no longer affects me.

I've experienced 16 deaths in 3 years.

16.

That's a huge number. My great uncle died about 2 weeks ago. I don't think I've cried about it. I wasn't that close to him but he was still family. He was still part of my life and I won't ever see him again.

My heart is in so many pieces.

I'm broken for my friends.

my family.

my campers.

the world.

the people around me.

We are in a broken world and I am just a part of it.

I'm trying to work through my problems.

I've had so much happen in the past 6 weeks of being back at school.

Losing some friendships.

Friendships changing.

Dealing with broken hearts and broken lives.

I need and desire God more than ever but sometimes I feel like he's forgotten about me.

I feel so under appreciated and not valued by some friends.

I do so much for so many and get spread very thin sometimes.

I don't need to be loved by everyone but sometimes I feel like all I do is give and I never really ever ask for anything in return.

I don't like asking for help.

I feel weak and I don't like to show weakness.

It's something I've always struggled with and will most likely will continue to struggle with.

I am human and I am weak.

I can't do this on my own anymore.

I need help.

I need God more than ever.

Exhausted

I am broken.

I am exhausted.

I am in desperate need of prayer and of support.

I have one and a half weeks left of camp and I'm tired.

This week has been a very hard week. My campers don't listen and love to scream! Please pray that God would just calm them. Pray for me to have the strength and energy to get through the next week and a half. I'm sorry that I haven't posted as often as I would like but life has been busier than I thought. I love you all and cannot wait to catch up in person.

Celebrations Galore

Saturday was my cousin Beckie’s wedding in California. It was also the 60^th anniversary party for my camp. Two weeks ago on Wednesday I turned 21 years old. It’s been a time of celebration. God has been so good to me and to my family over the years. God has blessed us so very much. And the family I’m talking about not only is my blood relatives but also my camp family. My friends that I have at camp have truly become like family to me. Camp friends are friends that you really can’t describe and you really just can’t ever forget either. I’ve been so blessed to have so many. While I’ve went to California last week for a few days for my cousins wedding I missed my friends at camp and I missed what’s been happening. This past week was jr. high coed and I was sad not to be counseling but I was glad to be able to work behind the scenes. It was cool to see how my fellow counselors work. When you are a counselor you get so wrapped up in your cabin and your campers that you don’t get a chance to observe the others.

This week is jr. high boys. I’m in the kitchen as an assistant cook. It’s been awesome. The staff has been amazing and so very hardworking. The do everything we ask and are constantly asking how else we can help out. It’s awesome. I’m very tired but not as tired as our guy counselors who are going on week 3 of 4 of counseling straight. I’m praying for them and ask that you would too as well. Be praying for our staff because we are all tired. We are all wiped. We get are getting to the point where we utterly rely on Him alone. Pray that we would be broken and do reach that point of crying to God saying you are the only way I’m making it through this. God has been using us and I pray he continues to use us.

Bug Bites

As I sit here, I'm trying not to scratch at my numerous bug bites. I love almost everything about camp but bugs bites are one thing I could do without. This past of camp was good. Girls camp was really good. My cabin was awesome. They were all first time campers and really enjoyed everything about camp. They loved the campout early morning fishing and everything about handcraft. I made probably 10 bracelets, 2 fish lanyards and gave a ton of lessons. My girls sang and danced during chapel. They heard all about the love of God. I had one really homesick camper. She would cry at random times through, it wasn't predictable at all which made it harder. She made it through the week which was great. I miss my girls. They were wonderful. This week is boys camp so I have a bit of a break which is nice. I'm on rec staff this week which is something I enjoy and I'm good at. Pray that I get the rest I need this week and that God would break us as a staff. Because only when we are completely broken will we be completely and utterly relient on God and he will do wonders through us.

My Heart Has Been Stolen

Jr. Coed is over and Jr. Girls has begun. Jr. Coed went really well this year. I had a great but talkative cabin. I think that the girls really did get a lot out of what we learned and talked about. One of them even accepted Christ which is totally awesome! I definitely had a favorite camper this past week though. I know I’m not supposed to pick favorites but I did. It wasn’t a camper from my cabin but one from my team. His name is Jarell and he stole my heart. He wasn’t the best behaved camper but he definitely was my favorite. Whenever he would come to sports he would give it his all until we were losing or when he got out and than he would run off but I would run after him. I would talk with him and get him to come back and play. He would listen to me and we made a good team. I made us matching bracelets so that we could always remember each other. Saying goodbye to him and the rest of the Kenosha kids was really hard. I ended up crying a couple of times. He definitely stole part of my heart when he left but he turned to me and said don’t worry I’ll be back next year. I met so many amazing campers this past week and I know so many of them will go on to do amazing things for God.

My cabin for girls week is great but half of them are homesick so just be praying for that for right now.

Sugar, S'mores, and Bracelets

This has been a long and difficult week. I still have 2 days left but God is faithful and will get me through. My cabin is still very talkative and they don’t really listen any better than they used to. Continue to pray that they would start listening better and that they wouldn't be so talkative during chapel and devos. We had a carnival last night where the campers got snow cones and cotton candy and than later that night at about 10:30, all the girl cabins got s'mores so needless to say it was a little difficult to get my campers to sleep last night. But can I just say that the quiet game works when the consequences are scraping the table at every meal the next day. My team is doing really well. They've been awesome this week. I have a couple of boys that get upset when things don't go our way but they are doing a lot better. It doesn't take as much time to get them to come back from running off. They just need to be loved and not yelled at.Pray that I can show them the love of Jesus and that some of the guy counselors would step up and not be angry or mad when they run off but that they would show them that they are loved. With one of them, I've made matching bracelets and he seemed to really loved that. I've also had a couple of campers make me some bracelets, so needless to say my arms are going to be covered by the end of the summer. Pray that I get sleep and rest. Pray that I can spend as much time with my campers and show them that I love them all but that more importantly Jesus loves them. Pray that their hearts will be open to the message tonight.

Week 1 Day 2

So camp started yesterday. I'm excited to finally have campers and I just love my girls so much. Its really awesome to see some of my past campers and one really cool thing is that my co-counselor this week was actually one of my campers from teen camp last summer. It's really awesome reconnecting with her and being able to work alongside her and pour into campers. I have a really great cabin. I've had a couple of the girls on my team or just know them from past summers. My girls are very talkative as they all are going into 6th grade and just love to chat. This is awesome during the day but makes going to bed difficult. Just be praying that they would be open to the word and that they would want to hear about God's love. Also be praying for Tiffany as she is very homesick right now. She cries mostly at night but she really misses her parents. That's about it for now. I'll try and update in a couple of days.