My summer...has been an interesting one. It's not been the best summer of my life. It's definitely been tough. I've been trying to heal my broken heart. I was hurt this past year. I was broken. I didn't know what was happening any longer. Friends had betrayed me and I'm still finding out about betrayals that happened. Family didn't understand and I wasn't going to the place where I find rest and peace. I wasn't going to the place that I most connect with God or where I feel I'm connected most. Instead I stayed in Chicago and worked 3 jobs...and applied to a number of jobs...and got turned away and blacklisted (and unblacklisted) and no responses. I don't know what I'm doing with the next year of my life. I don't even know really what I'm doing with the rest of my life but I'm ok with that. I'm ok with not knowing...I wish I could know a little hint of maybe what is coming but God's got me. God's got a plan for me that is better than anything I could imagine.
A week ago I went to camp and counseled for Teen Camp. I didn't really know how I would reach these girls after my year of brokenness and my year of not really hearing God speak to me...or maybe I wasn't listening as well as I should have been. I went up to camp a night early and I ended up sharing everything that I had been struggling with and I was met with love and care and hugs and hands to help me. I was met with so much love. And one of my friends said that I would be able to help campers through what they might be struggling with because I have struggled with it. I've struggled with depression, anorexia, and suicidal thoughts. I don't any longer and I have been surrounding myself with positive images and thoughts and feelings but this summer and all the turndowns and letdowns have definitely discouraged me but I am constantly encouraged by people around me.
I had an incredible group of campers that I love and miss and care for so much. They blessed me in ways they won't ever know. God blessed me so much and showed me himself so much during that one week. Tomorrow I head back to camp to volunteer for 3 days, I hope to continue to reconnect even more with my Jesus and my God.
