Friendship

Friends:
1. people with whom one can laugh or cry, share hopes and dreams
2. keepers of secrets
3. allies, supporters, companions
4. those who are held in the noblest regard and the highest esteem
5. the family we choose

I have some pretty amazing friends. I have been incredible blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love me and appreciate me. They stand by me when I screw up, when I make a fool of my self, when I don't know what to do with my life, and they are just amazing. My friends know what to do when I'm stressed out...they give me hugs. They know how much a hug can mean to me. They know how much that touch of someone giving me a hug and just knowing that its gonna be ok. That them wrapping their arms around me just makes me feel safe and loved and secure. That I'm ok for that 10, 20, or 30 seconds. That someone acknowledges my presence for a short amount of time. That I am cared for.

I shared something at collegelife last week which was really hard for me to do. They had an open mic time where people were able to talk about things they struggle with and the things that we have overcome or times we feel rejected. So they had 3 statements up there:
I feel rejected when...
I struggle with overcoming...
I have succeeded in overcoming...

I was debating the entire time whether or not to go up there and I finally got the courage to do so. I struggle with overcoming the feeling that I am not loved and that I am unworthy of love.
I'm getting a lot better at receiving love and letting people love on me. One of my good guy friends came up to me after I said that and just wrapped his arms around me and held me and just told me how he loved me and how he didn't understand how I felt unloved and how I make this campus and our work team a better place. how he doesn't know what he would do without me. how he loves me. not what I do for him and make him but he just loves me for me.

I have some pretty amazing friends that surround me and love me and listen to me and hold me up and comfort me and laugh with me and at me, to stand by me, defend me, and protect me. I've seen it happen this past week a lot but I've also realized that the dynamic of some relationships are changing and they no longer care for me as much and that kind of hurts but I'm beginning to be ok with it. It really hurts sometimes, to realize I'm no longer that important to someone, but things change, friendships change.

I am loved by many fantastic friends and I'm not looking forward to saying good-bye in 3 months to some of them. So for now I will cherish the time I have with them and spend as much time with people as I can. I love my friends and they love me.